I got a late start after leaving my house at around 9:30 PM because some friends from high school "adjusted" plans concerning meeting up. Apparently some dude from San Jose did not want me anywhere near their house party. Understandable, I am a wolf and this blog is called Good Will Creeping. I was supposed to meet up with my two buddies later on as well as another friend from high school at these bars in my new home of Campbell. I hit the ground outside the liquor store, got my lemon lime Gatorade and SoCo and was ready to blast off, lone wolf style.
It would be a few blocks walk to Katie Blooms Irish Pub where I would take up court for the night. I creeped along the back streets from the liquor store, downing my SoCo/Gatorade as quickly as possible. I already feel that at some point tonight I am going to have to boot and rally, but that wouldn't be for several hours. I arrive with my social glow on the corner where Katie Bloom's is dressed as this:
I also must add that I had the captain's armband on as well as having this ridiculous imitation neck tattoo taped to the back of my neck. It was easily the hit of the night with bartenders, men and women alike:
10:20 PM: Arrival
I arrive to the back of the line and while I am walking by I notice two buddies from high school that I had not seen in some time in Kevin and Sukke. After obligatory bromance hugs, I ask the 6 people behind them in line if I can cut them. Not waiting to hear their answer, I join my friends in line. Both soccer guys, they are astonished by my costume, asking where my wallet and phone are. I point to my long Adidas socks where my stuff is hiding. More jaw dropping commenced when I brought out my red and yellow card which I also was hiding. Immediately, I become more pumped for the inevitable shit-show.
10:50 PM: I believe in a thing called love
We are finally in the bar and it is packed and getting rowdy/weird. Many great costumes left and right including but not limited to: The Gorton's Fisherman, Bob Ross, the Dunkin Donuts guy, about 30 Lady Gaga's and one girl who I think cleverly dressed as a HOT (READ 12 out of 10) DJ Samantha Ronson aka Lindsey Lohan's lover for a while. DJ Samantha Ronson will come into the picture later, stay tuned.
Anyways I spent most the next hour or two gallivanting around the bar like a cocksman, taking picture with willing women who wanted a piece of Becks for their very own. I red-carded several guido dudes for the pure fact that I am a practicing member of the Anti-Guido League (AGL for short). It was all fun and games until I crossed eyes with a mysteriously dressed women from across the dance floor.
She was dressed in one of those hats that only hispter douchebags like Peter Doherty or newspaper reporters from the 20's wear. She looked like a hot rocker version of infamous lesbo DJ/lover of Lindsey Lohan, DJ Samantha Rondsen.
I made my way across the dance floor and opened up with, "Let me guess, you're Lindsey Lohan's lover."
She responded with, "No, I'm just a lesbian."
I counter with, "That's cool, I'm into chicks too."
Then the axe dropped, "No, like, seriously, this ain't a costume, I'm into girls."
Now at this point it should be noted, I had drank just enough to need a challenge. That point around several mixed drinks and several beers where you are just game for anything. Being dared to wrestle someone? Bingo. Get in an argument with a roommate over conjugal visit times? No doubt. Drive to Providence, Rhode Island on the idea of getting ass. Sign me up. Trying to convince a lesbian you originally thought was just dressed as semi-relevant lesbian DJ to dance/muck out with you in a crowded neighborhood bar? Without question.
This is what is known to me and others as the Black Hawk Down moment. That clear moment when an artfully crafted mission/night goes completely awry and the focus is thrown to the wayside because of a complication(s). This is the moment when your friends should call in Black Hawk Down and EVAC you to safety. As I was lone wolf, there was no back up team to do this.
I spent the better half of the next few hour or i dunno how long trying to get her to dance. I vaguely recall getting her number. The next part you should all know by now:
3:07 AM
I am lost and am walking home from the bar. I have no idea where I am, which is pretty impossible as it is a straight 2 mile walk from the bar to my house. Legit no turns. Straight line. I assume I made an early left to shortcut it and make it through the neighborhoods to my house.
I think i stumbled into Cupertino, the other bordering suburb of San Jose from me in Campbell. It's pretty hard to do but, I was prolly 4 miles out of the way.
3:58 AM
I stumble upon a factory of some sort. Turns out its the headquarters for some Asian newspaper. They are turning out the delivery trucks for the morning issue. I attempt to speak sense to them and ask if they are making any deliveries into the Campbell area and I can get a ride.
I must have speaking English or something because they had no idea what I was saying. It became somewhat of a commotion because several more Mr. Miagi types ran over to argue with me. It did not help when I started yelling that I had my rights and that Sen. John Kerry did not receive purple hearts in Vietnam for me to get this sort of treatment here in America.
Finally they "escorted" me away after I started yelling "I'M A MAN, I'M 40" and "YAKUZA!!"
4:23 AM
I am at a 7-11 somewhere off the premises of the Asian Newspaper and spot a cab. I have ZERO cash left from the night (thank you Patron). The driver sees me and drives over. The convo went something like this with my new Somali friend:
Me: Hey man, I got no cash and am lost as fuck.
Ahmed: Where are you going?
Me: Campbell (address)
Ahmed: My shift ends in half an hour, I'll take ya. It's like real close.
Me: I can help get you citizenship.
Ahmed: (Laughter) Haha, get in. (pause) Seriously?
4:35 AM
I arrive and thank my new friend Ahmed from Senegal for his services aka free ride home.
Next time I will make sure to bring my flask.
Though I did not find my Posh, I find Jacquie the lesbian, who I did call the next time and told me not to call ever again.
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